my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
