my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
