Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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