now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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