So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
