I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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