There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
