Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
