C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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