Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
