I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
