Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
