when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
