and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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