i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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