Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
