I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
