I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
