She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
