I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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