I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
