I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
