dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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