i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
