I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
