I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
