ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
