I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
