Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
