I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
