why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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