There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
did i walk over a car last night?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
