i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I said "one day" and that day is not today
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
