You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have demons in me.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
