fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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