return my video game
I wish I only lived at night.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
