My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We talked him into tasing himself.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
