Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
