You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
