You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
