did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I CAN MOONWALK!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
