I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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