This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
