I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
