please come you make the beer taste better
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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