He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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