I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
