Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
