i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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