there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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