at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
