If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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