just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can I color on your dick again?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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