Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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