man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
