nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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