1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
