how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
