i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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