I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
