I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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