Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
