She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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