Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
