Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
