Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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