Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
