i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
