It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
