so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize